Where Are My Ducks?

Those of you who know me (Julie) well, know that I like to have all my ducks in a row. A nice, neat, tidy little row. You know I like my Excel spreadsheet (Thea - you can stop snorting now!) and my budget, my once-a-month menus and shopping lists, and my online bill pay. Just look at all those little ducks, smiling at me from their rows! :-)

Some people might call me organized. Others might say I'm a "good steward" of finances. But, really, it's about control. I mean, let's call it what it really is: control. Hello, my name is Julie and I'm a control freak. (If you will please indulge me, I'd like to qualify this statement just a bit: I'm a control freak when it comes to things like money, order, and security; not over people and relationships.) Seriously though, having "control" over our financial security has become somewhat of an "idol" in my life, if you will. I've truly confessed that to God as something I struggle with and have asked God to help me trust HIM and in HIS sovereignty, instead of trusting in the sovereignty of our savings account.

Well, wouldn't you know that God would say: "Oh, yes, I will help you with that one, and oh, by the way, here's your first test!"

Two weeks ago, Mike and I had the opportunity to consider renting a house for a year that is about 5 minutes from his office and 5 minutes from our church (it's currently about a 40-minute drive to both). To do so would require us to sell our home (which we were already considering doing) and move into the rental for a period of about 10 months and then at the conclusion of that 10 months, buy a permanent house and move again. That's alotta movin'!! BUT ... the rent was very reasonable and if we were to do that, we would have the opportunity to save a pretty tidy sum each month. In fact, between the amount of money we could save in a year, combined with the small profit we will likely make from the sale of our current home, we could have just about the entire amount of money we need for the adoption. Having determined the financial "sense" this made, Mike and I decided that we would wait until the conclusion of that year to begin the adoption, since after that point, we would have the money we needed already in the bank. Sounds like a provision from above, huh?

Well, during that week, as I was happily plugging numbers into my Excel spreadsheet, I began to feel very safe and comfy and secure because all of a sudden, I could see exactly where all this money for the adoption was going to come from (that should have been my GIANT waving red flag!!!!).

Then, on friday morning of that week, I was awakened very early to a "voice" in my heart. This voice said to me: "Julie, I want you to move forward with the adoption right now. I can see that you are trying to orchestrate all of these details. But, don't you know that I am God? I will orchestrate the details."

I believe, with all my heart, that the "voice" I heard speaking to me in my heart, was the Holy Spirit. (I sure as heck wouldn't have come up with that one!!!)

The Bible says that the Holy Spirit dwells in our hearts as our "Comforter" and "Counselor" and speaks only words that come from God the Father. (John 14:16-18 - "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever - the Spirit of truth...you know him for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." Also, John 14:26 - "But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.")

Needless to say, these words I heard from the Spirit shook me to my very core because I knew immediately that to be obedient to the Lord on this one meant going against every thread of my natural self. But, I also know that if we were to wait a year to begin, when all the money is visible and in the bank, I wouldn't need to depend on God in the same ways. God's ways are not our ways and I'm not at all surprised that He is stretching me and challenging me to depend on HIS provision during this process.

So, we decided to start. We had begun collecting our spare change in our "Isaiah Can" on the kitchen counter: a decorated coffee can, covered in the colors of the Ethiopian flag and labeled" The Isaiah Fund." As of the morning of my encounter with the Holy Spirit, we had $65 in the can. I had heard these words from the Holy Spirit that we were to step out in faith and believe and begin our adoption process, but we still needed $200 total to even submit our initial application to the adoption agency we're going to use: AAI. So, of course, I simply prayed: "Lord, we will step out in faith, but we still need about $135 here to submit our app."

Within five days, we had received exactly $135 from people who felt "moved" to send us some money specifically for the purpose of our adoption. How's that for confirmation? Amazing? YES! A miracle? ABSOLUTELY!

Well, it turns out that the rental house would not entirely suit our family and it really would be too much transition for one year's time. So, we won't be going that route. BUT ... we have decided to go ahead and sell our home and move to a slightly bigger house that is much closer to Mike's office and our church (more on this later).

I don't know how and I don't know when, but I'm excited to see how this is all going to unfold! (Although I feel reasonably confident though that I will *not* get to see my little ducks all neatly in a row ahead of time!) One thing I am sure of: I fully expect to see God's glory revealed in a huge way through this adoption process.