Random Thoughts

I feel like I should be posting daily on all these thoughts that are racing through my head, day and night, but I can't seem to organize them into a coherent sentence, let alone a blog post! It seems like the time since March, when we committed to bringing Tinsaye into our family, up until about 2 weeks ago was agonizingly slow. I mean, every day felt like a month and it just seemed things would NEVER come to completion. Now, we are HURLING toward our travel dates at light speed and it seems like I'm never going to be ready!!

Practically, here is where I stand on my to-do list:

• Our plane tickets are purchased and our hotel room is booked.
• The itinerary for our children here at home is set (thank you, all my WONDERFUL friends and family who are helping with this). This was perhaps the most complicated element to this entire trip! Planning who was going where, on which day, at what time, with whom, how long they would be there, when they would return, and HOW they would get there (x 4 children) is NOT an activity on which to embark without multiple cups of coffee. It took several days and countless iterations of my Outlook calendar before I got it "right." Thanks, especially, to my parents, who are acting as "Grand Central Station" and "Home Base" for the kids during that week! May God pour His grace upon you (and trust me, you'll need it!! Ha! Ha! Enjoy!)
• Mike and I made a pilgrimage to Target last week for a MAJOR Tinsaye shopping trip. He is now officially set for clothes, a jacket, travel entertainment, and the basic necessities (unders, socks, shoes, etc.). I still need another pair of jammies or two (I think the one pair I bought are going to be too big, plus I need some that are shorts for here at home) and a couple of pair of casual pants (sweats, jeans, etc.). I'd also like to get him a pair of crocs (or wanna-be crocs). We'd also, budget willing, like to go ahead and get him a bike and helmet, and a scooter, so he can boogy around outside with the other kiddos as soon as we get home. Ideally, these items will already be here when we get home. I don't want to overwhelm him by presenting him with a bunch of "gifts" as soon as we get here. I'd really rather these things just ... be here ... waiting for him.
  
• We also purchased some travel accessories for ourselves (neck pillow, passport holder, backpack sling thing, etc.)
• We did a MAJOR house cleaning this weekend, so hopefully (in theory), if I keep up with light housekeeping every day (shyea ... right!!!), it will be pretty easy to keep the house clean until we go
• We also did some cleaning out in the girls' room, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. More to be done there

I still have a few odds and ends to get (toiletry items, medications, that sort of thing) before we go and I MUST wrap up watching Season 7 of Gilmore Girls before we leave b/c you know I won't have time to do that when we get home!! :o)

Emotionally, I must admit that I am swinging back and forth on a HUGE spectrum that ranges from intensely excited to intensely terrified! I'm told this is normal, so I'm not concerned about it, it's just doing a number on my ability to feel sane. This morning at church, I was so tied in knots (not with worry over Tinsaye AT ALL -- more just about preparing to leave and getting all the logistics and planning finished). I kept using the analogy of the rubberband ball. You know what I mean -- it's a giant clump of rubberbands that are stretched across each other so that it makes a giant ball? It's like a giant bouncy ball. That's kind of how I feel inside -- like a giant rubberband ball! You could've bounced me off the floor into next week I felt so wound up this morning!!

I'm also trying to imagine all of this from Tinsaye's perspective. I mean ... does he "get it" that when he leaves Ethiopia with us, he might not return for a long time? Is he worried about what his new family is going to be like? Does he have any idea what kind of life is awaiting him here in our family (I mean, after all, we are NASCAR fans -- talk about culture shock!!!)? How will he feel about leaving the only place he's ever known? Trying new foods? Wearing new clothes? Learning a new language? Will he feel like he is abandoning his birth family? I wonder what he thinks about just before he goes to sleep at night? I wonder if his Ethiopian Dad is thinking about him and wondering if he's okay - if he's still alive (we don't know).

I think, in a way, I am grieving for Tinsaye. Not only grieving for how he will lose his birth culture, his friends, his home, his language, his school, but part of me is also deeply and profoundly hurting on behalf of his Ethiopian parents. For as excited as we are to have Tinsaye in our family and as much as we are looking forward to welcoming him into our lives, my heart is deeply wounded for the loss that Tinsaye's Ethiopian parents experienced. Whether either or both of them are living and aware of Tinsaye's situation, or whether they were simply aware, in their last days and moments of life, that they were leaving their precious son to an unknown future, there had to have been a tremendous burden the seared a scar deep into their heart. I simply cannot imagine.

So ... these are the thoughts, feelings, and lists that run constantly through my mind these days.