Planting Roots

Y'all know that we had decided to put our house on the market b/c we really wanted to be closer to Mike's office and our church. We still do. We only have a 1500 sqft house and four children sharing two bedrooms and we're adding another child ... we legitimately could use more space. We still could. None of that has changed. But, more than that, we've really been praying for God's perfect plan for our family and it appears that His plan is for us to stay here. Here's what's happened:

Over this past weekend, I began panicking about money. This is not new to me. I tend to do these things. But, I started running the numbers with an increased mortgage payment again (yes, we'd done this several times before) and freaking out. With our adoption process started and the days going by quickly until the time when AAI will tell us: "It's time to start, send us the first big check" I have been seriously wondering what we will do if they tell us "go" and we don't have the money for it yet. The first stage (cumulatively -- there's about 3 or 4 different things that will happen at once) will cost us a little more than $4000 and we have been practically begging God to provide in mighty ways for this next step and believing that He will. But still ... I worry. The money's not here YET...where's it going to come from in such a short amount of time? Yes -- perhaps that's a lack of faith, but whatever -- that's what I've been worrying about.

So, because of our legitimate needs for more space and a shorter commute (and we believed that these were good things -- and they are!), we had put our house on the market and were planning to increase our mortgage payment pretty significantly. Our monthly budget could handle that increased payment, but the process was going to all but drain our savings account. If we didn't have the adoption on the horizon, I might be tempted to take that chance, but I kept coming back to the adoption. Something just wasn't sitting right with me.

So, after struggling with it in my own heart for several days I finally handed all this over to Mike on Sunday morning. We stayed home from church and talked for three hours. I handed "the spreadsheet" (that one's for you, Thea!) to Mike and told him: "This needs to be YOUR decision. I can't handle this anymore." Well, as he looked at it he said: "Julie, if we stay here, we have the first part of the adoption fees we will need already in the bank. We've been waiting for God to send us that money, but He already did. It's sitting right here in our savings account."

I confess that I tend to hold up our savings account as an idol (partly out of fear and partly because I really struggle with balancing "do not worry about tomorrow" with being a wise steward of our money) -- it's something I pray about often and struggle with and I think that's why I was unable to see this ... it wasn't until I gave this over to Mike and he looked at it that it was revealed to us.

Mike wanted to pray about it for a couple of days to make sure that we're making the right decision (and not an impulse one), so in the meantime, I've been praying that God would speak to us in real terms that Mike and I could see and understand. That we wouldn't "miss" this one. In the last two days, this is the news we've received:

• Despite agents showing other homes in our area/price point, we've had one showing in four weeks. (Not good.)
• Interest rates have been rising the last three weeks to the point where we are basically priced out of what we could afford a month ago anyway and we would end up having to buy less house (and thus defeating the major goal: more space).
• Our agent showed up yesterday (a trusted friend and my employer, so she levels with me) and says out of the blue: "Julie, I think maybe you guys should wait a year or two to move."

Okay, Lord, we hear you!!!!!

So, we are making plans to stay here for the long term. We don't have to work in absolutes, I realize, but I am desperate to feel rooted. I want to plant a tree in my front yard and know that I will be here to enjoy it's shade when it's big and tall and strong. This house is not perfect. It's small. It's a 30-35 minute drive to church and that hurts my heart. I hate it that Mike has such a long drive to work, but for some reason, that's our cross to bear right now. But, I am sitting out back on my screen porch right now, enjoying the morning summer breeze and listening to the birds chirping and not looking at mass humanity and I love that. I am so thankful for my little house.

So, we are taking our house off the market today. We are already making plans to add an addition on to the back of the house (it will be our dream master suite!!!!!!!) in a year or two AFTER the adoption is paid for, but more than that, we are practically DANCING that we now have the money to proceed with our adoption as soon as AAI is ready for us. Don't ask me where the next $10,000 is going to come from, but thankfully, that part is much farther down the road and I know that my God has a plan.