Tears (of joy!!)

As you know, we've had some pretty drastic situational changes in the last month that have basically eaten our whole adoption fund. Within DAYS of receiving our dossier packet (that we'd waited SO LONG for), I was left wondering when we were even going to be able to send it in b/c we needed to send in $2000 with it - $2000 we didn't have and didn't have any idea where it would come from. Our dossier packet has just been sitting on my desk. I've only looked through it once -- and very casually at that. I've been pretty down in the dumps about it and, as you know, went through some serious faith-questioning regarding the entire adoption in general.

In the incredible mercy and grace of our God, who is gently, but so clearly directing the timing and provision for our son, I received word today that we are receiving a gift that will enable us to send in our dossier as soon as it is finished.

I sobbed tears over the phone as I was receiving this news. How do you say "thank you" for that kind of gift? I'm truly speechless (which, for those of you who know me, must be evidence this is TRULY a God-thing!!).

I still believe God provided me this job at the school as an amazing provision for our family and everyday budget expenses. But, if that money was used for the adoption (as WE planned) then it might be seen (by others, by the world, maybe even eventually by me) as MY effort providing the money to bring Isaiah home. Now, I hear God telling me: "It is not YOUR WORK that will provide the funds for the adoption. It is MY WORK that will provide the funds for this adoption." What a great encouragement and gentle admonishment all wrapped up in one mighty, heavenly hug. Oh ... here come the tears again!

I am totally stunned at God's faithfulness in the midst of my faithlessness. He gives us His hope when we are hopeless. He gives us His help when we are helpless. We serve a truly awesome, living, LOVING God.

I just needed to add these scriptures, which I read this morning (12/2) and really spoke to my heart because it talks of God's faithfulness to love us and provide for us, even when we fail to acknowledge Him (as I have in my doubt). They are from none other than the book of Isaiah:

2 I will go before you
and will level the mountains;
I will break down gates of bronze
and cut through bars of iron.

3 I will give you the treasures of darkness,
riches stored in secret places,
so that you may know that I am the LORD,
the God of Israel, who summons you by name.

4 For the sake of Jacob my servant,
of Israel my chosen,
I summon you by name
and bestow on you a title of honor,
though you do not acknowledge me.

5 I am the LORD, and there is no other;
apart from me there is no God.
I will strengthen you,
though you have not acknowledged me.

Isaiah 45:2-5